After reading some comments on a photo that was posted of an Oreo with rainbow colors I feel the need to rant.
As many of my friends and family know or have guessed, I am an atheist. This is my belief only and I respect the beliefs of all my friends and family. If I am at an event where friends and family are praying, I will bow my head with them out of respect. I do not condemn them or bash them for their beliefs and they extend to me the same courtesy. However, there are people in this world that lack the capacity to respect their fellow human beings and feel the need to throw out hate speech and bible verses that they think back them up on their claims. I start to wonder if the people quoting the bible have actually read it. My conclusion is that they have either not read it or they don’t understand it. So I did some research of my own today to see exactly who all will be coming to hell with me.
I’ll start by saying that in the post with the Oreo, the kind loving Christians that were commenting were using words like “abomination”, “homo”, “queers”, “fags” and “sinners”. Nice huh? I have heard the same Christians that proclaim “Only God can judge me” say these very same words. So which is it? Only God can judge someone…or only God and the Christians? There were many on the thread professing that because of their sexuality gay men and women will all be going to hell…and it’s because the BIBLE says so. Ok, well let’s talk about what else the bible says and what else you aren’t supposed to do then shall we? Let’s see what all can get us into hell.
We will start with the commandments:
- Thou shalt have no other gods before me - This one is pretty self explanatory
- Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image - Some believe this is in reference to other gods and idols; however there are some that extend this commandment to mean that you also should not create graven images of God in painting, drawing or sculpture. OK, so that’s almost every church in the world…think about that.
- Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord in vain - Don’t even get me started on this one.
- Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy - Ok, so if you are Christian there is to be no working on Sundays…let me know how your employer takes that news
- Honor thy father and thy mother - Honor is not a given…it is earned. Your parents earn your respect, they are not entitled to it just because they gave birth to you.
- Thou shalt not kill - Ok…so if taken exactly as written (since there is no explanation of this commandment by God himself) this covers that anyone in the armed forces or law enforcement will be joining the march to hell
- Thou shalt not commit adultery - Yeah…I know people that break this one…and often. You all do realize that the literal interpretation of the bible would include looking at someone other than you wife in a lustful way right? So no more porn or movies past a G rating…carry on.
- Thou shalt not steal - Another that is self explanatory. I wonder of this includes if you accidentally stick a pen that isn’t yours in your purse after signing something at the bank? Better to be safe than sorry…GO RETURN THAT PEN
- Thou shalt not bear false witness - Simple…don’t lie. Oh boy my Christian friends…how many of you have I caught doing this?
- Thou shalt not covet - Do you see that sweet boat in your neighbor’s yard? Gah don’t you just want one of those? You just broke this commandment…good job.
Ok, now we move on to the rest of the stuff that is forbidden by the bible.
- Round haircuts or harming the edge of your beard (Lev. 19:27)
- The touching of pigskin (Lev. 11:6-8) - Yes gentleman…that means no football. And no bacon. And wait isn’t football usually on Sunday? Three strikes…YOU’RE OUT
- Fortune telling (Leviticus 19:31 - No more cookies for you after your yummy Chinese buffet
- Tattoos - Leviticus 19:28 - Oh boy…aren’t a lot of you in trouble now.
- The wearing of garments of mixed materials (Leviticus 19:19) - Take a look at the tag on your shirt…you are going to hell.
- Divorce - Ahem…just saying
- Bastard children (Deuteronomy 23:2) - “No one of illegitimate birth shall enter the assembly of the Lord; none of his descendants, even to the tenth generation, shall enter the assembly of the Lord.” Better check your family history to make sure everyone in your line ten people back was born to married spouses or else you’re out.
- Wearing gold - Yup…its in there
- Eating Shellfish (Lev. 11:10) - All Cajuns will forthright be banished to the depths of hell…because we will never give up our crawfish you sumbitches.
- Pigs (Leviticus 11:7-8)
- Consuming blood (Genesis 9:4) - And no that rare steak you are eating is not exempt
- Eating Fat (Leviticus 3:17)
- The meat of strangled animals (Act 15:28-29) - Do you know how chickens are killed?
- Having sex during a womans period (Lev.15:19- 24) - Sorry guys you’ll have to wait
- Eating meat on Fridays
- Approaching the alter of God with a defect of sight (Lev. 21:20) - You wear glasses or contacts? No heaven for you
- Deformed people cannot approach Gods altar (Leviticus 21:18-21) - Anyone with a disability…straight to hell.
- Women must cover their hair during prayer (1 Corinthians 11:5) - I don’t see many women wearing hats and whatnot to church
- The touching of animals that walk upon 4 paws -No more petting cats and dogs…for shame
- Marrying a women whose husband has died
- Interracial marriage
- Wives helping their husbands in a fight (Deuteronomy 25:11-12)
- Women speaking in church (1 Corinthians 14:34-35)
- Women teaching or having authority over men (Timothy 2:11)
- Birth control -It should also be noted that no man with injured or cut off genitalia cannot enter the church. Got your tubes tied? No church for you…that’s an injury according to the bible. Testicular cancer got your boys? You’re not allowed in either.
- Sodomy - I know some of you men LOVE to do it in the butt…But that’s a no no guys…sorry.
The bible DOES however permit the following:
- Ownership of slaves (Lev. 25:44)
- Selling of a daughter into slavery (Exodus 21:7)
- Sacrificing animals
- Forcing a widow of a childless man to have intercourse with each of his brothers in turn until a male hair is produced (Mark 12:19)
- Marrying girls at the age of 11
- The raping of slaves - it’s not rape if you own them apparently
- Forcing a woman to make a sin offering for having a female child
- Child Sacrifice (Lev. 18:21 and Leviticus 12:5)
- Extreme discipline for children by throwing them against a wall (Psalm 137:9)
- Incest - But only with certain people in your family..wtf?
- Adultery (Leviticus 20:10-12)
The bible also states that you should be put to death for the following:
- Adultery (Leviticus 20:10-12, man and woman)
- Lying about virginity. (Deuteronomy 22:20-21)
- Not being a virgin when married
- Rape of a virgin who is engaged (Deuteronomy 22:25)- If she is not engaged you only have to marry her and give her father 50 shekels. No mention is made of the girl’s opinion, and no punishment is specified for raping a single non-virgin female.)
- Being the victim of rape, if one is an engaged female virgin and the rape occurs in a city. (Deuteronomy 22:23-27) - Only if it takes place in a field, the victim is spared because nobody would have heard her screams.
- Worshiping idols (Exodus 22:20, Leviticus 20:1-5, Deuteronomy 17:2-7).
- Blasphemy (Leviticus 24:14-16,23).
- Breaking the Sabbath (Exodus 31:14, Numbers 15:32-36).
- Practicing magic (Exodus 22:18).
- Being a medium or spiritualist. (Leviticus 20:27).
- Trying to convert people to another religion. (Deuteronomy 13:1-11, Deuteronomy 18:20).
- Striking your parents (Exodus 21:15).
- Cursing your parents (Exodus 21:17, Leviticus 20:9).
- Being a stubborn and rebellious son. And being a profligate and a drunkard.(Deuteronomy 21:18-21)
- Not penning up a known dangerous bull, if the bull subsequently kills a man or a woman. (Exodus 21:29)
So if we are going to use the bible to profess what is wrong and what isn’t some of you Christians need to take a good long look at this list. Going by your rules, a sin is a sin. There aren’t some sins held higher than other sins. And it most certainly doesn’t fall to any of you to get to pick and choose which rules are OK to break and which ones aren’t. So before you start throwing our bible verses that claim to be against homosexuality, take a look at all the other verses around it and see what else is forbidden to you. I can guarantee you that not one single person reading this post Christian or otherwise has not violated these “rules” in some way. Not one of you is innocent of these supposed “sins”…NOT ONE OF YOU. And you can argue with me until you are blue in the face and I will call you a liar and a hypocrite because that is what you are. I would say that 100% of the people I know have broken one of the rules listed above in the section of things you can be put to death for according to the bible…100%…and no I’m not joking. Think I’m wrong? Go ahead and ask me which rule you’ve broken, I’ll be happy to enlighten you.
Stop being such bigoted hypocritical assholes and just let everyone live how they want to live.
I completely missed this today, which is a bummer, because it’s awesome.
The Guild: I’m the One That’s Cool (by geekandsundry)
is going to have more piercings. And tattoos.
***originally posted 19 May 09 on MySpace***
So I am up because I have a killer migraine and can’t sleep…so I decide to browse the news on certain things and come across the most ridiculous article I have ever read. I find it hilarious that some Christians have nothing better to do with their time but to bash books and movies that they quite obviously haven’t taken the time to read.
Robert E. Lee watched as his friends died in the Civil War, my grandfather watched as his friends died in WW II, and my father watched as his friends died in Vietnam. None of them died for the Mexican Flag. Everyone died for the U.S. flag. In Texas , a student raised a Mexican flag on a school flag pole; another student took it down. Guess who was expelled…the kid who took it down. Kids in high school in California were sent home on Cinco de Mayo because they wore T-shirts with the American flag printed on them. Enough is enough. The below e-mail message needs to be viewed by every American; and every American needs to stand up for America.
This will be added to as they come…and they aren’t in any kind of order
Me: I have a Mexican ghost outside my window
Ryan: What do you mean a Mexican ghost?
Me: It’s saying “oooooooh” but with an accent
Ryan: So it’s going “ÓÖÕÓÒÕÖÒÓÔHH”?